Before you send, think again
by Dwayne Steward
Entertainment reporter
Newsday
August 29, 2007

Who among us hasn't hit SEND without first engaging our brain?
It seems e-mail became an essential part of office communication long before anyone sorted out the etiquette. And as some of us have learned the hard way, tripping fingers and short fuses can lead to e-mails that destroy a person's career.
Such problems are the stuff of self-help publishing, and publishers have, indeed, begun to weigh in.
David Shipley and Will Schwalbe's book, "Send: The Essential Guide to E-mail for Office and Home," offers a horde of harrowing e-mail mishaps and tips. Its Web site, ThinkBeforeYouSend.com, even features a Hall of Shame where readers can send their e-mail horror stories. Rachel Weingarten's "Career and Corporate Cool: How to Look, Dress and Act the Part at Every Stage of Your Career..." devotes a chapter to proper e-mail etiquette. And Hallmark Magazine's latest edition takes up the topic in a piece entitled "Tips on How to Type Your Way Out of E-mail Goofs."
"All business communication," Weingarten warns, "though it feels like it could be throwaway, could have a very long shelf life."
Here are e-mailing tips these experts offered to help avoid disaster.
Keep it simple
Opening with "Dear" or "Hello" and nothing more is sufficient, said Weingarten. "You don't want to write, 'Dear Stud Muffin,' or sign off with 'Big Sloppy Kisses,'" she said. "Not at work. Save it for your own time." Sign-offs? "One you use for home and one you use for business," said Lisa Benenson, editor of Hallmark Magazine, such as "Best," "All best," "Warmest regards" or "Cheers."
Change the "Subject"
Always include a subject and keep it fresh, Shipley and Schwalbe's Web site advises. Sending a line of e-mails with the same subject line once the conversation's veered elsewhere could land you in jail. If someone's e-mails are subpoenaed, all that are under a certain subject line could mistakenly be used, they said.
Stay professional
"Text-speak," abbreviations such as "u," "r" and "luv," commonly used in text messaging, is a huge no-no, Weingarten said. "You're telling them, 'You're not important enough for me to write out my words.'"
Avoid a "Claire Swire"
Weingarten refers to the urban legend of "Claire Swire." Swire and Bradley Chait, clerks at a law firm in London, decided to discuss the specifics of their relationship at the office via e-mail. Chait decided to show the e-mail to friends, who started a vicious cycle of e-mails that led to the Internet. "It's the e-mail read round the world," Weingarten said.
When "keeping it real" goes wrong
Imagine sitting at your desk and you receive an annoying forward from a colleague. You proceed to compose an e-mail with disparaging remarks about said sender and instead of "Forward," you hit "Reply" or "Reply All." Time to panic, right? Wrong. Go to the emergency plan. "If you send the message to everyone, assess the situation," Weingarten said. "Decide, in order of importance, who you've offended. Was the CEO on that list? The president?"
Then, don't say you're e-Sorry. If you have insulted someone, "you have to face the music," said Benenson. The music cannot be faced online, however. "People usually don't believe you," she said. "You really need to follow up with a phone call or an old-fashioned letter."
Weingarten suggests calling immediately to request a meeting. If they refuse, only then is e-mail appropriate. "Apologize without specifics," she said. "Hopefully they'll have buried the e-mail."
When Attachments Go Awry
Sending the wrong attachment may have you revealing more to colleagues then you wish. If you've accidentally attached medical results or personal finance records to an e-mail keep it cool but act fast, said Lisa Benenson, editor of Hallmark Magazine.
"Just walk over to their [the unintended recipient's] desk and say, 'I sent you something embarrassing please delete it,'" she said. "But be sure to stay there and watch them delete it. It's human nature, they're going to want to read it."
Always Go Blind
Blind Carbon Copy (BCC), which keeps the recipient list hidden, is an e-mailer's best friend, but is commonly unused, said corporate etiquette writer Rachel Weingarten said. "If you send out something to a lot of people without using blind carbon copy, you've given out everyone's information and showed yourself to be an amateur," she said.
The "Undercooked" Reply
Hitting "Send" instead of "Save" when composing a very important e-mail that still needs work is a very common mistake, Benenson said. "People appreciate candor; send a follow-up e-mail immediately," she said. "Be sure, however, to preface the e-mail's 'Subject' line with 'Correct Version' so they know which one to trash."
Confronting Annoying Forwards
If you have friends who enjoys filling your inbox with inspirational messages and chain letters, step lightly when asking them to stop, Benenson said. "E-mail lacks visual cues or vocal inflections; you're almost guaranteed to sound harsher then you mean," she said. "The best way to deal with this is to blame it on your boss. Say you're not allowed to get personal e-mails at work. Or plead insufficient memory space. That's a good one."